What Is This?

I haven't blogged in a while... I mean it's summer. I'm supposed to be relaxing and enjoying no school time. Also, I just haven't had much to say. I'm not good at coming up with ideas for what to write about. And since this summer has been pretty slow so far, I haven't had any inspiration either. I'm not complaining though, I've enjoyed this summer.

Anyway, I just finished the book Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller, who also wrote Blue Like Jazz, which I plan on reading soon. This book was about the time when Don took time off of college to go on an epic roadtrip in a hippie van with one of his friends. They drove from Texas to Oregon, making different stops along the way. At one point they stopped at the Grand Canyon and even got to hike all the way down into it. All this time, Don is realizing how glorious God's creation is and admiring the beauty of it all. He is such a beautiful writer. He is just so good with words and describes things in a way that makes you feel as if you are actually experiencing them. And he is really funny actually. Needless to say, I'm ready to hop in a hippie van and go. It doesn't even have to be a hippie van. I'll fly. Bike. Walk. Whatever.

I've recently recognized a fear of mine. I say all of these things about just giving up everything and serving God no matter where that may take me someday, but how do I know that when that day comes that I won't be too comfortable to go? How do I know now that I will still be willing to do that? How do I know that I won't be too afraid to risk everything by letting go? I guess I have control issues. I like to think that I can control what will happen to me and that everything will turn out fine and go according to my plans. Well, maybe my plans aren't lined up with God's plan. That's a scary place for me, because I like for things to go my way. I really need to learn how to fully lean on God and let Him lead me, without me trying to butt in and lead my own perfect life. I'm scared that I'll be too caught up with chasing after that perfect life that I will miss the oportunities God gives me to truly go out on a limb and experience His love in a whole new way. I'm scared I'll be too scared to just go. I really hope that I get over that fear and just let God take me where He wants me, because if not, I might miss the best thing that could ever happen to me. At one point, Don Miller is talking about the roadtrip that he and his friend took and says, "Trips like ours are greener grass left unknown for fear of believing trite sayings, sayings that are sometimes true." I don't want to miss out on the greener grass.

This book also reminded me of how much I love the mountains. Speaking of which, I will be in some in less than two weeks. Sigh.

"These mountains, which have seen untold sunrises, long to thunder praise but stand reverent, silent so that man's weak praise should be given God's attention." -Through Painted Desesrts